Thursday, July 16, 2009

the whole aaron story

ok so im feeling a bit better about things so i figure i might as well post the aaron story. And my followers have stopped growing, so i hope this will get some new ones. Plus, im going up north to my friends cabin for a few days, and if i write this now, the trip will help me forget about it. hope that makes sense.

Ok so Aaron asked me and two other friends if we wanted to go to this camp he and his family go to every summer. i of course said yes, and so did the other two friends. So the plan was that aaron would drive up in his car with one person and i would drive up in my car with one person. We did that because aaron was gonna stay the whole week and the other three of us were going to leave early.

So we left sunday morning, around 6. It was a nice drive, around 3 hours. It was nice case i love highway driving. i just feel so...free? idk, haha that sounds weird. anyway, we got there at around 9 and we hung out a bit. Aaron showed us around and when he was done with that it was noon and time for lunch. The food was really good. I had a hamburger. So after that we played softball for a little while. Then one of our friends, michael, wanted to go get his sailing badge thing so that he could take out any boat he wanted. so while he did that, aaron, my other friend john, and i, went kayaking. We had a lot of fun. Not to mention i got to see aaron in just a swim suit. So that took up a lot of time. then we had dinner, went back to the cabin and played some games, then went to bed.

Monday was a shitty day. It was all rainy. We went to breakfast and just relaxed the whole day. We did go into town which was like 5 miles from camp. Got some chinese food for lunch. Pretty boring day.

Tuesday was fun. Went to riflery and shot some targets. I did ok. got like a 60 somethin out of 100. Tuesday was also the day we were all going to leave, but i didnt want to. So i let michael and john take my car and i stayed with aaron. Aaron was happy to have me because he would have been bored. So they left in the afternoon and aaron and i just hung out till we went to bed.

wednesday was another shitty day. We didnt really do much. But later that night, we went into town and saw public enemies. We both liked it. So we got back to the cabin and we were gonna take a shower and go to bed. So i took my shower first and idk what came over me but i just thought that if i hid my phone, i could record aaron showering. So i took my shower, hit my phone, and let him take his shower. He did. and he came out and i went in and grabbed my phone and we went to bed. But i watched the movie first. OMG. it was amazing. His butt was perfect. i just wanted to grab it and squeeze it and lick it. and when he turned around and i saw his dick. My heart exploded. my good it was perfect. it was the perfect size and everything. I wanted it. And his body, o man. perfect. just perfect. Ok i need to stop talking about it. So we went to bed but i had a boner the whole night.

thursday was a pretty nice day. we went kayaking again. And that night we were invited to go out to dinner with some friends we had made. So we went. The food was good but the whole time i just kept thinking about aaron showering and how i wanted another video of it. So we got back to the cabin pretty late and i jumped in the shower. Nice and quick. so then i set up the phone and he jumped it. I was nervous. But it started out smooth. But i notice that the shower is on but no one is in it. And that goes on for a few minutes. So i get on the ground and look under the door and i see his feet right in front of the camera. i got really scared, so i nocked on the door and asked if my tooth brush was in there. he was like hold on. then like 10 seconds later he was like "what the fuck is this?" and he opens the door and hands me my phone with the first video on the screen. i was like "not sure". he asked me to delete it so i did. so he took his shower and came out and he was like "what was that" so im freaking out and i figure theres only one way out of this, so i tell him to have a seat and that i needed to talk to him. So he sits and i sit and it takes me a while but i finally say "im gay. and im in love with you." And he was totally cool with it. like he didnt care at all. it was a relief. But he did say that he wasnt gay and didnt feel the same way about me. And it stung a bit, but i think deep down i always new that would happen. So we talk for a good hour, about me and him and the stuff ive done. I told him i kissed him when he was asleep in 9th grade. I told him i had stolen some of his boxers. We had a really good talk. I was pleased. He was ok with me being gay, but he wasnt ok with me spying on him and stealing his clothes. haha. i can understand. i apologized A LOT about the video, and it really isnt me. I would never do anything like that, just being up there, just me and him. i guess i lost myself. It was the heat of the moment i suppose. we joked around a bit too. he asked what about him i liked and i told him. He also asked which aaron was cuter, short hair or long hair. I said in between. I also overed him a blowjob. he was like im good. So he got up and hugged me, and i apologized again and told him thank you for being my friend and for understanding. And he said he was glad that we were friends and that he was really happy i stayed up there with him. So then we went to bed. but i didnt sleep real well. I felt like shit. I was cool with him knowing im gay, but it was how he had to find out that really got to me.

So we got up friday, had breakfast and then went home. The ride home was pretty normal. I did ask him if he thought we were going to be ok and he said yea were gonna be fine. But i was nervous about that. And he told me i should talk to his dad cause he went through a similar experience, where one of his friends asked if he was gay or something. So yea got home and i felt really weird. like numb inside. The boy i had been in love with and chasing after for 4 years, was now for sure unavailable. It was a weird feeling. Plus he knew i was gay.

So the next day, we were having a fourth of july party, and i asked him to come over a bit earlier cause i wanted to talk. (haha side note, while i was writing this, aaron called me. wanted to go to some fair thing. were leaving at 2'oclock) So he came over earlier and i still felt like shit about the whole movie thing and i just couldnt apologize enough. He was like its fine, were gonna be fine, dont worry. But the whole party i was thinking about it.

So the next few day i felt like shit. It was just killing me inside. I couldnt understand why i would do something like that. I couldnt eat, i couldnt sleep. I lost close to 10 lbs. it was horrible. But then on wednesday, me and aaron hung out. It was pretty chill. We had fun and it was like normal, if not better. We could speak more freely. It was good, and i felt better about us.

So things were back to normal, and then he calls me on friday and tells me he talked to his dad and that we should talk. i said sure and his dad and i decided to meet at this sub place for lunch. So i got there and he was there and we ordered food and say down. He told me all his experiences and stuff. And i told him about how i was gay, but didnt want to be, but i wanted to want to be. confusing i know. we talked for about an hour. He told me he think i should see a therapist. Idk. Maybe i will. I thanked him for lunch and went home. It was nice i guess to talk to someone. Idk

so yea thats it. wasnt as hard to write as i thought.


Ok now on to other news. Been seeing a lot of cute boys around. At the mall, at the store, everywhere. i love it. O and i went streaking last night. It was really fun. I hadnt done it in like 2 years.

Also there are 2 new bloggers out there.

A Day in My Life = a really cute new blogger who i would really enjoy getting to know. he seems like hes got a good head on his shoulders. Not to mention a cute head. (im weird haha)

Kringe's Blog.... of DOOM = funny new blogger who i would also like to get to know. got a good sense of humor.

So check these boys out!!!

And i better get loads of comments from this. it took me an hour to write and some parts were very tricky. COMMENT!!!!

12 comments:

  1. Well, I had thought that you were upset because aaron rejected you after you told him you're gay and love him.

    I'm glad that wasn't what happened. I can imagine how embarrassed you are about what you did with the cell phone. It's good that you are embarrassed — that's a healthy reaction, IMO. It must have really felt terrible for a while. Now that's all behind you and you can carry on living. You've got a friend who isn't a potential bf. That's good. You're out to him and you can be yourself. That's good too.

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  2. at least you have a clear understanding that he is unavailable now so it gives you a way to be able to move on without the "what if?" feeling.

    glad it turned out to be ok

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  3. *whew* I was expecting a story a lot more depressing than that, I'm glad it's not as bad as I was thinking it would be :)

    It's good that he is cool with your sexuality, it's good to have a friend in real life who knows the real you.

    *big hugs*

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  4. That was not so terrible, just very awkward I think. But to expand on the other comments above - now you can move on - and you don't have to fret and worry over dealing with your repressed feelings towards him, since you know it's a dead-end in that respect, and you'll be just friends.

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  5. Sometimes total rejection is way easier to deal with.. It's fucking great that he was so understanding and I give you lots of respect for dealing with the situation so well. I've been exactly there and I know how hard it is.
    Also, I agree with Landyn.. most of the time, the "what if" part is the hardest of all.. this has been tearing you apart inside for a long time and it's really really good that you've finally let it all out. I'm sure the experience will do nothing to harm, and in fact probably elevate your relationship with Aaron.. and the feelings will eventually fade.

    It's a whole new ballgame man.. happy hunting!

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  6. I was gay, but didnt want to be, but i wanted to want to be. I understand. Its kind of like my view with girls. I don't want them but I want to want them. :P

    Nice to know that both your crush and your crush parent are cool with your homosexuality. Its kind of sad that he isn't gay; but chances tend to be that someone isn't...

    Feel sorry for you for your week of depression...

    Since it's immoral to change who other like, it would be awsome to be able to choose who we ourselves like...

    anyway, sorry for the barrage of "..."

    have a good time with your trip bigdan.

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  7. Dan

    Glad things worked out with Aaron and his dad. The video its gone ut at lest you had your look and now know for sure he isnt like us

    hope you find someone soon and streaking very 70s lol

    take care and be safe

    bob

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  8. Hey, was going to email, but u said to comment, so I'll comment... and maybe email later...

    I've got to echo NG's comment!
    And yes, the vid was a really bad thing to do, but I've learned (thru my own mistakes) that sometimes the best of friends can come from doing something stupid like that... so I wish all the best to you in having Aaron as your friend.

    Hope things are still good with his Father?

    While it's not as bad a story as I expected, I can understand how you felt, and feel now.
    So, THANKS for taking the time and effort to write it all down.

    Keep well,
    Graham

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  9. Well done for getting the story out there. It's a brave thing to do. Writing it down can really help.

    Having resolution of the Aaron thing is important. You can move on with your life as a gay man and your friendship with Aaron can change to a new, more honest level.

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  10. Haha I thought when you said in one of your other posts that you filmed him you were outside the shower haha not after hiding your camera (^^,)

    Must have been rather nerve racking hehe.

    Glad things are ok between ye anyway :)

    Cian

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  11. I don't know that sounds terrible to me-- I think I would've just run away after he said 'what the fuck is this'... seriously-- I just would've run away.

    I really feel bad for what you are going through, but am glad that things are getting better. Its probably a very good thing that he knows how you really feel. The person that I went through similar feelings for and I had similar conversations, but I always 'played down' my feelings for him, because I knew that he didn't feel the same way that I did. I don't regret that-- I mean it wasn't going to turn out like I hoped, but I knew that it would sting really bad to hear the actual words...the finality of such a thing. However, when he did start dating a girl a year or so later, I couldn't help but feel much pain. It was so ridiculous, and frustrating because I couldn't control it. It was so much pain. This has been about 4-5 years now, and we are still in touch-- I feel much different about the relationship but there will always be pain there. I have a lot of mixed feelings about the whole thing, and I still don't really know if I regret anything or wish I never would have known him or what... I wish you well- I'd love to chat on MSN sometime, but I can understand why you don't want to talk about this stuff. Much Love

    Steve

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