hello again

so i bet some of u are wondering where ive been. To be completely honest, i really havent been anywhere. I just havent been here.......and i really havent missed it all that much.

so whats new with me? not a whole lot. I turned 20 a week ago, but i still feel like im 18. im not in love with aaron, just got confused when i visited him at his school. it would be a lot easier to not get so confused if he wasnt so nice to me. sometimes i feel like hes the only one who actually gives a shit. but i visited him 3 weeks ago. and i really havent talked to him since.

Work is going well. Since the weather is getting nice there has been an explosion of cute boys. just wonderful. i spend 70% of my time at work drooling over dudes. its very nice. and i got a raise. woot.

sorry its been so long. hopefully ill post more.

anyone want to know anything? ask away.

im still.....

in love with aaron.

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i took a long drive a few nights ago. it was really foggy and really warm. I thought about a lot of things.

1) How different my life would be if aaron became my boyfriend.

2) I cant decide if im actually happy with my life.

3) I sometimes feel like im not really going to amount to anything.

4) I wish all gay boys wore like this rainbow ring around their fingers. make things much easier.

5) what really is the fucking point?

im in a strange mood. i havent felt this completely....useless...in a long time. i feel like i have no control over anything. no matter what, shit will always happen. with or without me. i dont know folks. i really just dont know.........

god i would lick this boy all over. purple turns me on so bad.

whats been going on with me?

boy oh boy. Where did we leave off?

christmas was amazing. got all the shit i wanted and because i have a job, i could afford to buy my family nice gifts. My mom cooked a huge dinner and some relatives came over. i ate way to much. delicious.

new years was great. me and a buch of friends, including aaron, got fucked up and then went to some new years party. had a great time. i think. i dont remember all of it. what i do remember is that when we were in the car on the way home(dont worry, we had a dd) me and aaron were sitting next to each other in the back seat and we were kinda wrestling and his hand kept going toward my dick. and then when we got yelled at to stop, we did, but aaron wouldnt let go of my hand. so for like 10 minutes we were holding hands. i didnt notice right away either. it was nice. but he was fucked up. and i eventually was like "why are u holding my hand?" and he was like "what?! i wasnt!" it was funny. And man does aaron have an ass. best one ive ever seen.

after new years i was busy seeing friends and working, and then school started and i just got extremely busy. its literally been the most busy ive ever been in my life.

Also, like 2 weeks ago, my parents called me into their room and started talking about how they love me no matter what and all that bullshit, and then they just came right out and asked if i was gay. and i was like "yep" and then they kept asking about boys and shit and i was just like ugh. i did tell them about lee.

speaking of lee. i actually miss him a lot. well, maybe i just miss having a boyfriend. idk. but id like to suck his.....hhahaha.

but ever since my parents asked, all i want to do is go get another boyfriend. its like, their cool with it, so i should just fuck all the boys i can. haha.

god i havent had any dick in too long. maybe ill drive to nashville and visit steve. or washington to visit matt. or france to visit oliver. or new york(i think) to visit drew. you guys would let me "stay" with you, right? haha ;)

ok anyway, i hopefully will be posting much much more often. theres some cute boys in my classes that you should know about. thanks for reading. bye!

I really suck

Don't hate me. I'll explain where I've been soon.


Sorry to everyone.

Dan

christmas tears

so it finally decided to snow more than a centimeter last night. so when i woke up this morning and saw it all, i figured what a perfect time to listen to some christmas songs. so i grab my computer, open itunes and start playing all the christmas songs i have.....which is actually a lot. A few songs go by, and im just laying in bed listening and surfing the web when this song comes on......



.......and i start sobbing. literally crying like a baby. some nearly naked 19 year old gay kid laying in bed crying his eyes out over the christmas song. I cried the for the entire song. and im not really sure why. every christmas since i can remember, this song has been there. does this happen to anyone else? its the first time its ever happened. well except the first time i heard the schindlers list music after i first saw it.

also heres a question for my gay readers. lets say in the near future they come up with a cure for being gay. you would take a pill and boom, you would no longer find the same sex attractive, and suddenly the opposite sex looks fuckable. if they came out with a pill like that, would u take it? ill tell u my answer after i hear some of yours. incentive to comment.


in another note, im so fucking sick of being single. im tired of waking up in the morning and not seeing a boy laying next to me. its getting to be very frustrating. and it would be so nice to have a boyfriend for the holidays. we could listen to christmas music, drink hot chocolate, cuddle up by the fire. i guess im not so lucky.

anyway, today feels like a lazy one. better get started.