hello again

so i bet some of u are wondering where ive been. To be completely honest, i really havent been anywhere. I just havent been here.......and i really havent missed it all that much.

so whats new with me? not a whole lot. I turned 20 a week ago, but i still feel like im 18. im not in love with aaron, just got confused when i visited him at his school. it would be a lot easier to not get so confused if he wasnt so nice to me. sometimes i feel like hes the only one who actually gives a shit. but i visited him 3 weeks ago. and i really havent talked to him since.

Work is going well. Since the weather is getting nice there has been an explosion of cute boys. just wonderful. i spend 70% of my time at work drooling over dudes. its very nice. and i got a raise. woot.

sorry its been so long. hopefully ill post more.

anyone want to know anything? ask away.

im still.....

in love with aaron.

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i took a long drive a few nights ago. it was really foggy and really warm. I thought about a lot of things.

1) How different my life would be if aaron became my boyfriend.

2) I cant decide if im actually happy with my life.

3) I sometimes feel like im not really going to amount to anything.

4) I wish all gay boys wore like this rainbow ring around their fingers. make things much easier.

5) what really is the fucking point?

im in a strange mood. i havent felt this completely....useless...in a long time. i feel like i have no control over anything. no matter what, shit will always happen. with or without me. i dont know folks. i really just dont know.........

god i would lick this boy all over. purple turns me on so bad.

whats been going on with me?

boy oh boy. Where did we leave off?

christmas was amazing. got all the shit i wanted and because i have a job, i could afford to buy my family nice gifts. My mom cooked a huge dinner and some relatives came over. i ate way to much. delicious.

new years was great. me and a buch of friends, including aaron, got fucked up and then went to some new years party. had a great time. i think. i dont remember all of it. what i do remember is that when we were in the car on the way home(dont worry, we had a dd) me and aaron were sitting next to each other in the back seat and we were kinda wrestling and his hand kept going toward my dick. and then when we got yelled at to stop, we did, but aaron wouldnt let go of my hand. so for like 10 minutes we were holding hands. i didnt notice right away either. it was nice. but he was fucked up. and i eventually was like "why are u holding my hand?" and he was like "what?! i wasnt!" it was funny. And man does aaron have an ass. best one ive ever seen.

after new years i was busy seeing friends and working, and then school started and i just got extremely busy. its literally been the most busy ive ever been in my life.

Also, like 2 weeks ago, my parents called me into their room and started talking about how they love me no matter what and all that bullshit, and then they just came right out and asked if i was gay. and i was like "yep" and then they kept asking about boys and shit and i was just like ugh. i did tell them about lee.

speaking of lee. i actually miss him a lot. well, maybe i just miss having a boyfriend. idk. but id like to suck his.....hhahaha.

but ever since my parents asked, all i want to do is go get another boyfriend. its like, their cool with it, so i should just fuck all the boys i can. haha.

god i havent had any dick in too long. maybe ill drive to nashville and visit steve. or washington to visit matt. or france to visit oliver. or new york(i think) to visit drew. you guys would let me "stay" with you, right? haha ;)

ok anyway, i hopefully will be posting much much more often. theres some cute boys in my classes that you should know about. thanks for reading. bye!

I really suck

Don't hate me. I'll explain where I've been soon.


Sorry to everyone.

Dan

christmas tears

so it finally decided to snow more than a centimeter last night. so when i woke up this morning and saw it all, i figured what a perfect time to listen to some christmas songs. so i grab my computer, open itunes and start playing all the christmas songs i have.....which is actually a lot. A few songs go by, and im just laying in bed listening and surfing the web when this song comes on......



.......and i start sobbing. literally crying like a baby. some nearly naked 19 year old gay kid laying in bed crying his eyes out over the christmas song. I cried the for the entire song. and im not really sure why. every christmas since i can remember, this song has been there. does this happen to anyone else? its the first time its ever happened. well except the first time i heard the schindlers list music after i first saw it.

also heres a question for my gay readers. lets say in the near future they come up with a cure for being gay. you would take a pill and boom, you would no longer find the same sex attractive, and suddenly the opposite sex looks fuckable. if they came out with a pill like that, would u take it? ill tell u my answer after i hear some of yours. incentive to comment.


in another note, im so fucking sick of being single. im tired of waking up in the morning and not seeing a boy laying next to me. its getting to be very frustrating. and it would be so nice to have a boyfriend for the holidays. we could listen to christmas music, drink hot chocolate, cuddle up by the fire. i guess im not so lucky.

anyway, today feels like a lazy one. better get started.

disappointed

comments have been lacking. not loving that. it really doesnt help me want to write anything when i think people dont read it. if theres one thing a blog needs to remain healthy, its comments.

you all should comment more.

a bunch of shit

u ever wake up really really horny? like, unbelievably horny? happened to me this morning. my god. i woke up and just all i wanted to do was get my nut off. i kept grinding into my bed. haha must have looked kinda funny.

every time im at work i see josh. and

every time i see josh, he just gets more and more cute. like, wtf. why cant he be gay? fuck. i really wanna see him naked.

so me and lee are no longer dating. he actually called me. left me a voice mail. "we need to talk"

so i called him and he was like "i think we should break up" and i was like "i agree". after we talked for a few minutes and ended our call, i kinda got sad. like, i really loved lee for a while, and to just ended it like that. idk. he deserved a better boyfriend.

any one try the new french fries at wendys? when i first heard about the change, i was furious. i fucking loved wendys french fries. but i gotta say, damn. the new ones are better. they kept the same taste, but changed the.......something. im not sure what they did, but im pleased.

its a really great day out today. just beautiful. it worries me tho. this could be the last nice day. and when there are no more nice days it snows, which means no more rain. i love the rain. its so calming. and when its over and the sun peaks through....o man. but snow is fun for a while. i just hate the cold.

kinda random post. have a pic tho.

Very curious...

So at work there's this kid named Josh. I think he likes me.

Like I barely know the kid and he talks to me like we've known each other for years. He calls me Dan the man, and a few days ago hd even gave me his peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which was delicious by the way.

So yea I think he might. And I'm ok with it. I keep trying to be all cool and slick around him, but it really doesn't matter. Like, if he likes me and tells me, sure, let's fuck. But if it's all in my head, whatevs.

He's also not the best looking guy but hes kinda cute. He fuckable.
Omg I'm horrible.



******UPDATE******
so hes not gay just really friendly. we were at work and he said he had to drive 2 hours, so i asked him why. "to see my girlfriend".

damn. i didnt think id be pissed but i kinda am. he looked really cute today. he didnt put gell in his hair and it looked so much better. i was undressing him with my eyes all day. damn.

Also this is my 200th post? damn i wish i had something prepared. hows a quick pic of my hip? im in bed.

crush

so ive got a crush. a huge one.

theres this boy. ive never talked to him. ive never seen him in real life. i only really know what he decides to share on the internet. hes been in my dreams. i think about him a lot.

i have a huge crush on this boy.

and it feels wonderful.

i havent felt this way in a long time. i never really felt this way about lee. lee just...happened.

but the one thing that is kinda fucking with my head is that this boy is a lot like lee. like, almost the same thing. looks a lot like lee and everything. but idk.

idk. its nuts. im nuts. but all i know is i feel wonderful.

lee.....idk......

lees fine. hes just miles away. its hard being in a relationship when you never see the other person.

and idk. i might be over lee. i know that sounds bad, but idk. i feel like i want something more. something more that he cant give me.

When i met lee, he was the perfect boy. A timid, shy boy who just wanted someone to hold him. And when we started dating, it was perfect. I got to be his knight in shining armor. i was the man of the relationship. it was great. but then i lost it. Something happened when school started that really got to me. I felt this huge feeling of regret and remorse. I felt worthless. I would look at my life and see nothing at all i wanted. There are so many things i wish i would have done differently. i wish i would have stayed on the football team. I wish i would have tried harder in school. I wish i would have accepted my gayness at an earlier age. It was like this huge weight was on my shoulders. i couldnt sleep. i couldnt eat. i lost almost 20 lbs. i was miserable. I kept thinking about how easy it would be to just kill myself. then i wouldnt have to be so miserable all the time. So i decided to change my life. I left school, came home, got a job, and will soon be transfering to a better school where i will get a better degree and then a better job.....hopefully.

and now im basically all better. no more bouts of depression.

but along with my meltdown came a new thirst for boys. im done with the wimpy, girly, shy boys. I want a man. I want to be the shy one. I want to be the timid one. i want a knight in shinning armor. Ive always felt like a gay boy stuck in a straight boys life. i want out. i wanna be the gay boy stuck in a gay boys life.

Im tired of fucking. i just wanna get fucked.

p.s. matts right. its hard to find the desire to write a post when comments are so few and far between. lets go people. I WANT TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS!!!!!!

anyway, hope to see u all on msn soon. ive been on the past 3 nights, but no ones on.

let me explain

hello.

yes. im still alive.

so since its been over a month since my last post, i thought i owed everyone an explanation. Right around the time when i was kinda having a mental breakdown, i completely lost any desire to write a post. Nothing was going on that i wanted to share. and after a while it felt good. it felt good to not have to worry about this world and to just worry about my real world. my future and all that.

but now im back for good. writing this feels wonderful. im back.

so anyway, i have a job. and its a pretty nice job. everyone is really nice and there are some smokin boys. Aaron, who is this blonde slim boy with earrings in both ears and a tight little ass. god hes wonderful. and this boy james who is cute as fuck and might be gay. and recently(last night) this boy josh who was really flirting hard man. i could feel it.

so yeah thats about it. i guess ill keep up working until next semester and then go to school around her. yeah that sounds good.

and if anyone has any questions about anything, or if theres anything at all your dying to know, just ask. ill answer anything.

love u all. bye.

BACK!!!

so im sorry about the long absence. Ive been taking a break from blog world. and im not gonna lie, its been pretty nice.

but now im back.

So after having what i like to call a mini mental breakdown, im back to feeling like my old self, if not better. I dropped out of school and am taking the semester off. i got a job. and i didnt break up with lee.

so all in all im all better.

maybe one day in the future ill post the whole story, but for right now i just wanted u all to know im not dead.

also, for some stupid reason, msn deleted my email account, which means i have to use a new email for msn. so everyone who i normally talk to.....

ADD ME AT: dailydan@hotmail.com

we can talk and laugh and not give a mother of fuck. itll be wonderful. =)

not doing well

im like in a bad place.

my head is full of self doubt and worry about my future. ive lost 13 lbs in like, a week. im considering ending it with lee. and on top of that, its looking like im taking a semester off from school.

i just dont know whats going on with me. im depressed all the time. im just overwhelmed.

i think im going to seek professional help. maybe see someone to help me out.

id love to talk to anyone who has any advise or just wants to talk.

whatever.

-Dan

bored. so heres this.

1. what are you listening to?
Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik by outkast. the tits.

2. what was the last album you obtained?
2001 by dr dre and snoop dog

3. what are you wearing?
dark blue basketball short and a purple zip up hoodie with no shirt underneath

4. what's for dinner or what was for dinner?
dinner last night was ribs at chilis. tonight, who knows.

5. when is last time you saw your mom?
3 hours ago in the kitchen

6. what do you put on your toast?
depends. it could be butter, jelly, jam, peanut butter. whatevs.

7. what time is it?
11:13 am

8. what do you wear to bed?
i used to wear shorts and a tshirt, but now i just wear shorts.

9. what do you smell?
grape soda

10. what's on your coffee table or nearest table?
my phone, alarm clock, ipod, socks, lamp, gummy worms.

11. do you use conditioner?
i do

12. do you floss?
before i go to the dentist

13. do you use energy saving light bulbs?
my parents buy them

14. how old is your computer?
2 years? around there

15. how do you take your coffee?
like i take my men. full of cream.

16. what is your favorite beverage?
cocacola. there is nothing like a cold glass od coke.

17. what's the last piece of clothing you bought?
purple zip up hoodie

18. now, what are you listening to?
juicy by the notorious b.i.g.

19. What is the last beverage you drank?
water

20. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
lee like 15 mins ago

21. Are you happy?
extremely

22. Where was the last place you went shopping?
champs

23. Where did u go today?
nowhere

24. YM or MSN?
msn

25. Who was the last person to call you?
mom

26. What’s your zodiac sign?
aries

i suck

im getting pretty bad at this blog shit. i apologize. ive just been in an extremely lazy mood. once school starts im sure ill start posting more.

again, im really sorry.

heres a cute boy

hello again

IM HOME!!!! actually ive been home for over a week. After spending a week with the same people, when i got home i just didnt want to deal with anything. so i didnt blog, didnt go on msn, barely tweeted. it was a nice little break. but now im back!

so my trip was pretty awesome. California is amazing. the weather is gorgeous. We went to universal studios, disney land, the san diego zoo, hollywood. It was awesome. And flying was really a piece of cake.

there were billions of cute boys. it was ridiculous. its like they have them in bulk over there. I fantasized about so many boys. it was pretty awesome.

got home and just chilled with friends. didnt see lee till tuesday. aaron was really getting on my nerves on monday. im most definitely over him. but damn, im still very sexually attracted to him. hes so sexy to me.

and whats weird is, during my trip, i really didnt miss lee. i feel like i missed my dog more than i missed lee. and when i got home i was just like meh. i didnt really care if i saw him or didnt. but the minute he got here i ripped his clothes off and had my way with him. its like after not seeing him for over a week and then finally having him in front of me, it like reminded me that i can do anything i want to this boy. so i did. amazing.

school starts in a little less than 2 weeks. im ready to go back. so is lee.

so yeah just a nice little update. i didnt really go into great detail, so if anyone has any questions about anything, please ask. ill answer asap.

Vacation

so im off to california! ill be gone a week so you probably wont hear from me till then.

sorry i havent been posting as much. busy i am.

Cya in a week!!!

-Dan

depressed

ive been kinda down in the dumps lately. ive just been thinking to much.

summers over in a month and then im back off to school. it went by way to fast. what did i manage to accomplish? nothing. i didnt get a job. i just sat around being lazy. i literally was the most insignificant thing on the earth. i didnt contribute to society at all. im just a bum. a lazy fucking bum with no prospects at all. my future is doomed. im going to end up bagging groceries for the rest of my life.

im surrounded by all these people who love me. my friends, family, lee. but for some reason i feel so fucking alone. i feel like i have no one who i can really talk to about things. i can only tell you guys certain things. i can only tell my friends certain things. i can only tell lee certain things. i need someone who i can tell everything to. im tired of living so many different lives. its killing me.

i just want to cry.