Sunday, January 10, 2010

im fucked

well my breaks over. going back to school tomorrow. I dont want to go back. I like it at home to much.

Who wants to here some good news and bad news? good news first? sounds good to me.
Good news- im in love
Bad news- im in love with aaron

its only fucking been 3 weeks and im fucking in love with him again. i can feel it deep inside my tummy. Its real. Its fucking real, and i hate myself. Why the fuck is this happening? When i first saw him over break it was nice, but as break progressed, it got worse. i wanted to see him everyday. I wanted to hear his voice, to touch him, to joke around with him. And now hes gone. he left earlier today. I slept over at his house last night, and he took off his shit when he went to bed. my god hes beautiful. every part of him takes my breath away. hes so soft. he smells so good. hes one of the nicest people i know. I feel like i cant go on living without him. I want him so bad. but i cant have him, and that hurts more than anything.

what am i suppose to do? what the fuck am i suppose to do? It hurts so bad. This is the most depressed ive been in a long time. What the FUCK am i suppose to do? im fucking CRYING right now! WHY!?!?!?! i wish i could go back it time and prevent me from ever meeting him. They say that its better to have love lost than to never have loved at all. I disagree. having love lost is the worse feeling in the world.


10 comments:

  1. It sucks. I know. We just have to deal.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am so sorry dude... it sux... its just sux and there is nothing i can say to make you feel better...

    Just know that i love you and am here to talk to you if you ever want.

    *massive bear hug*

    Love you babe.

    Peace,
    AJ

    ReplyDelete
  3. If you take a look at what your options are, you can see you really have none but to wait and get over him. My point is there's nothing you're supposed to, or can do, and yeah it sucks. :(

    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yo Dan!

    Man this sux. Hate to see a fellow blogger in pain. We are all here if u wana chat... Good luck bro!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You're right. It's a terrible feeling.

    IMO the best thing you can do right now is to distract yourself as much as possible. Keep as busy as you can so you'll have less time to think about him.

    S. is right. Eventually you'll get over him. I'm sure it doesn't feel that way right now, but 48 years of life beyond what you've had tells me it's true. You can help yourself to get over him by having as little contact with him as possible. That's the opposite of what you want, of course, but seeing him is what brought this on. I'm not saying you have to cut him out of your life entirely, but don't try to create occasions for being with him. If they happen, fine. But every minute you are doing something else is a minute in which the obsession can decrease, and every minute you are not with him is a minute somebody else can enter your life. And maybe one of those somebody elses won't be unattainable.

    Hang in there.

    *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  6. naturgesetz is right; try to just put distance between you two. it's hard, but it's better in the long run. it'll just take time.

    j.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I agree with the above and will say just hang in their man you will get over him soon enough once and for all

    ReplyDelete
  8. Back in college, make it a mission to find someone else.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am sorry for you buddy... but I know things will get better. Just give it time and patience and no matter what happens, make sure you put yourself above it all.
    You have to Love yourself more than anyone else for now and tell yourself that it's better for u do take care of urself and keep urself away and busy (as other friends said) to let ur feelings cool down...
    You'll be way better off for future experiences afterwards!

    Best wishes!

    ReplyDelete