Friday, July 30, 2010


i miss lee. like bad. i dont get it. like the second he left, i immediately wanted him back. everything i do is better with him. eating, sleeping, walking, burping, jerking off. he makes everything so much more enjoyable.

and im scared. i never thought i could ever be this into another person. i know i wanted to with aaron, but now that its with lee, its scary.

is lee the one i want to spend the rest of my life with? as of right now, yeah.

idk maybe im just fucked up this week.

Monday, July 19, 2010

a weekend to remember (im running out of titles)

so i left for lees on friday. got there and we just hung out for a while until like 4, when we heard talking coming from downstairs. So we walk down and lees mom and dad are sitting at the table with a young woman and some dude. The woman got up and her and lee hugged. Lee was pretty excited. He introduced me, as his boyfriend, to his sister melanie, and his sisters husband bill. we all sat down and immeditly i fell in love with her. shes awesome. she kept making gay jokes that were hilarious. me and lee were laughing but lees parents were like "oh my". bill was off on the phone somewhere for a while. i guess hes a real estate agent in chicago. idk.

anyway we all talk for a while and we order a pizza and lee, melanie, bill and i all played monopoly. Bill was pretty cool. he played football in highschool so we talked for a while about that. not bad looking either. the night wound down and me and lee went off to bed.

the next day i didnt wake up till 1230. lee made me some toast and we got dressed and went downtown. we were down there for a long ass time. we were just walking around. we ran into a few of lees friends. i will never get tired of hearing lee introduce me as his boyfriend. got back late and passed out.

next day me and lee just sat for a while. played some xbox and all that. dinner time was coming up and i was invited to join lees parents, melanie and bill out to olive garden. i of corse said yes. so we get there and our waiter comes over and is absolutely gorgeous. just a really cute guy. so he takes out drink order and right when he leaves melanie says "wow you two. your mouths must be watering." lee turned red and i burst out laughing. lees mom shot a dirty look at melanie. pretty good dinner.

next day, or this morning, i left early so i could say goodbye to my dad before he left for some conference in washington.

so yeah pretty nice trip to lees. i really do love him. fuck aaron. he missed out.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

ass so nice, had to look twice

so last weekend my friend john invited me up to his lake house to go boating and all that fun stuff. He also invited my friends sam, bob, and............aaron, who was home for the weekend.

So we get there and change into our swim suits and immediately my eyes are fixated on aaron. my god. gorgeous. his once bare chest had a little wisp of hair. and his ass. that juicy succulent ass. what i wouldnt do to dive dick deep into that perfectly molded boy butt. no offense to lee, but aaron has a much nicer butt. So i basically spent the entire day staring at him, which i could do because lee wasnt there and i had those sunglasses where u cant see what the person is looking at.

So it was a pretty great day. when i got home i started thinking about what would happen if aaron called me up and was like "i made a mistake. i love u. lets fuck." like, what would i do? i dont like the idea of me just leaving lee the minute aaron says i wanna fuck u. u know? thats not good. But like, aaron is aaron. i feel like i would have an extremely hard time turning him down. I have a boyfriend who i love and would do anything for, but would i turn aaron away? idk. and i hate myself for not knowing. good thing it will never happen tho.

and about my mom. she didnt say "i know u fuck lee in the basement." what happened was my dad said to me and my brother, "find a woman just like her" and my mom said "or a man"
at which point i kinda turned and left. awkward.

anyway, off to lees tomorrow. i need to get out of this house.

Friday, July 9, 2010

deep stuff

so lee stayed over for a while this week and on wednesday lee said something that made me think about our future together. We were at the mall in sears walking past the washing machines when lee stopped.

lee: do u think were gonna be able to afford a nice washing machine when were married?
me: uhhhhhh......i.....hope?

i was pretty surprised. i really didnt know how to answer. so later when we got back to my place, i asked him about it.

me: so, we're getting married?
lee: huh?
me: u said earlier in the mall we were getting married and buying nice washing machines
lee: o yeah. idk i just kinda said it. have u never thought about it?
me: about us getting married?
lee: yeah
me: not really no
lee: oh. well i was thinking about it a few days ago.
me: and?
lee: well i really like u obviously and i feel like we really connect. Like, i think we should move in together next year.
me: damn.
lee: sorry. forget i said anything.
me: no no dont be sorry. its just ive never really thought about this before. its all pretty new thinking.
lee: i understand. will u think about it? its only the seed on an idea.
me: ill definitely think about it.

so heres me thinking about it.

i love lee. i would love nothing more than to be with him all day everyday. but moving in together is huge. marriage is huge. now if we have an argument, we have our own houses to cool off at. like, i can leave and he can leave. but once we move in together, we are always together. i also feel like once we move in together, thats it. im locked into this relationship. which is fine i guess. idk.

not sure what to do.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

too many cuties

jesus. a lot of shits been going on. here it all is. Oh and happy fourth of july.

Wednesday: i was home alone and i was bored out of my skull. I figured id call up a friend. So i called my friend jacob. He said he was busy with another friend but that they could both stop over. i said sure. So jacob and his friend mike come over. And ive met mike a few times. Let me just tell ya, pretty fucking cute. Hes a year younger than me and jacob. so we end up hanging out all day and into the night. Eventually, mike falls asleep.....on my bed. So there was a very cute boy on my bed, and it wasnt lee.
but i wasnt on the bed with him, and i eventually told jacob to take him home. Pretty fun day tho.

thursday: Got a call from jacob saying mike wanted to hang out again, so i said hell yes. They show up at 7 and mike brought one of his friends will, who i have never met. Once again, another fucking cutie. So we chill, and this time will was the one to fall asleep in my bed. I dont know why everyone just goes to my bed. It is very comfortable. So i had two cute boys in my room. no lee.

Friday: Me and a bunch of friends were gonna have a little get together at my house. My friend john asked if it would be cool if he brought a friend from college. I said of corse. So everyone shows up at 7 and i meet this kid, josh, and omg. He was really hot. Like, damn. I just felt so attracted to him. So the party goes well and everyone leaves the next morning.

saturday: Wake up, kick everyone out, and head over to lees. get there at around 1 and we just sit there and hang out. My friend john calls me up to see if i wanted to go to his lake house for fireworks. I told him i was with lee, but he just invited lee as well. So we went to johns lake house. Got there and john and josh are there. I didnt expect him to be there. So we go out on the water and go tubing, which means that josh has to take his shirt off. bad news. i could not stop looking at him. like, i was careful about it and no one noticed.....except lee. I would look over at lee and just get these nasty looks. And i mean yeah, i should have been getting them. I definitely shouldnt have been staring. But you guys didnt see this kid. he was just so....perfect. and maybe i was attracted to the thought that he was untouchable. U know? idk. but i felt bad cause lee, my boyfriend, had to watch me go gaga over some perfect piece of boy. i know i wouldnt like it if he was staring at some cutie. but i just couldnt look away. So we had a fun day and the fireworks were nice. We said our goodbyes and me and lee went back to my house. I apologized like a thousand times, and he was giving me the "whatever i dont care" routine. i knew of corse it was bull shit. So we went to bed.

sunday(today): Woke up before lee and made him a piece of toast. Along with that piece of toast was a note that said "im sorry. i love u". I brought it to him and woke him up. One of the things i love about lee is how he wakes up. Ill shake him awake and he'll stretch all cute like a cat, then sit up, and just sit there for like 5 minutes. He wakes up and just isnt all there, u know? like it takes him a while to adjust to the land of the living. Plus i love his morning hair. So i wake him up and give him his toast, and hes just sitting there, hair a mess, eating his toast, and not saying anything. after he finally finishes his toast, he reads the note, he crawls out of bed, walks over to where im sitting and kisses me and says, "i love you too." then walks into the bathroom to take a shower.

And now, hes playing xbox and im on my comp.

so a lot of shit happened. sorry itook so long to update you guys. cute boys have been keeping me busy.