a bunch of shit

u ever wake up really really horny? like, unbelievably horny? happened to me this morning. my god. i woke up and just all i wanted to do was get my nut off. i kept grinding into my bed. haha must have looked kinda funny.

every time im at work i see josh. and

every time i see josh, he just gets more and more cute. like, wtf. why cant he be gay? fuck. i really wanna see him naked.

so me and lee are no longer dating. he actually called me. left me a voice mail. "we need to talk"

so i called him and he was like "i think we should break up" and i was like "i agree". after we talked for a few minutes and ended our call, i kinda got sad. like, i really loved lee for a while, and to just ended it like that. idk. he deserved a better boyfriend.

any one try the new french fries at wendys? when i first heard about the change, i was furious. i fucking loved wendys french fries. but i gotta say, damn. the new ones are better. they kept the same taste, but changed the.......something. im not sure what they did, but im pleased.

its a really great day out today. just beautiful. it worries me tho. this could be the last nice day. and when there are no more nice days it snows, which means no more rain. i love the rain. its so calming. and when its over and the sun peaks through....o man. but snow is fun for a while. i just hate the cold.

kinda random post. have a pic tho.

Very curious...

So at work there's this kid named Josh. I think he likes me.

Like I barely know the kid and he talks to me like we've known each other for years. He calls me Dan the man, and a few days ago hd even gave me his peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which was delicious by the way.

So yea I think he might. And I'm ok with it. I keep trying to be all cool and slick around him, but it really doesn't matter. Like, if he likes me and tells me, sure, let's fuck. But if it's all in my head, whatevs.

He's also not the best looking guy but hes kinda cute. He fuckable.
Omg I'm horrible.



******UPDATE******
so hes not gay just really friendly. we were at work and he said he had to drive 2 hours, so i asked him why. "to see my girlfriend".

damn. i didnt think id be pissed but i kinda am. he looked really cute today. he didnt put gell in his hair and it looked so much better. i was undressing him with my eyes all day. damn.

Also this is my 200th post? damn i wish i had something prepared. hows a quick pic of my hip? im in bed.

crush

so ive got a crush. a huge one.

theres this boy. ive never talked to him. ive never seen him in real life. i only really know what he decides to share on the internet. hes been in my dreams. i think about him a lot.

i have a huge crush on this boy.

and it feels wonderful.

i havent felt this way in a long time. i never really felt this way about lee. lee just...happened.

but the one thing that is kinda fucking with my head is that this boy is a lot like lee. like, almost the same thing. looks a lot like lee and everything. but idk.

idk. its nuts. im nuts. but all i know is i feel wonderful.

lee.....idk......

lees fine. hes just miles away. its hard being in a relationship when you never see the other person.

and idk. i might be over lee. i know that sounds bad, but idk. i feel like i want something more. something more that he cant give me.

When i met lee, he was the perfect boy. A timid, shy boy who just wanted someone to hold him. And when we started dating, it was perfect. I got to be his knight in shining armor. i was the man of the relationship. it was great. but then i lost it. Something happened when school started that really got to me. I felt this huge feeling of regret and remorse. I felt worthless. I would look at my life and see nothing at all i wanted. There are so many things i wish i would have done differently. i wish i would have stayed on the football team. I wish i would have tried harder in school. I wish i would have accepted my gayness at an earlier age. It was like this huge weight was on my shoulders. i couldnt sleep. i couldnt eat. i lost almost 20 lbs. i was miserable. I kept thinking about how easy it would be to just kill myself. then i wouldnt have to be so miserable all the time. So i decided to change my life. I left school, came home, got a job, and will soon be transfering to a better school where i will get a better degree and then a better job.....hopefully.

and now im basically all better. no more bouts of depression.

but along with my meltdown came a new thirst for boys. im done with the wimpy, girly, shy boys. I want a man. I want to be the shy one. I want to be the timid one. i want a knight in shinning armor. Ive always felt like a gay boy stuck in a straight boys life. i want out. i wanna be the gay boy stuck in a gay boys life.

Im tired of fucking. i just wanna get fucked.

p.s. matts right. its hard to find the desire to write a post when comments are so few and far between. lets go people. I WANT TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS!!!!!!

anyway, hope to see u all on msn soon. ive been on the past 3 nights, but no ones on.