love triangle?

ok so before i get to the love triangle explanation, some other things first.

So my really good friend james who left for college 2 weeks ago came home on saturday. it was good to see him. we hung out for a good long while, and saw inglourious basterds. It was my fourth time =) But i did notice something. James was kinda acting differently, like he was some bad ass or something. and he kept talking about how he was hooking up with all these 'chicks' in college. idk he seemed different.

so on to this love triangle. So yesterday, a bunch of people went to see inglourious basterds, me being one of them, and tyler also being one of them. he had never seen it, and it was my fifth time(still amazing). i didnt sit by him, but he did fall asleep, which pissed me off a little, cause the movie is fantastic. but he has a weird taste in movies. idk. so for some of the movie i was like thinking reason why he would be a bad boyfriend, and then thinking of reasons that would make him a good boyfriend. haha it was kinda fun. in the end tho i think hed be a good boyfriend. So anyway, with us at the movie was this girl, Dylan, who i only met like 2 weeks ago and is a really good friend with tyler. shes awesome and i wish i had met her sooner, but i think she likes me. she sat next to me at the movie, and after the movie we went to erics house, she sat next to me there to, and her feet were like almost touching me. and then after we all left at 2 in the morning, we texted for like 30 minutes about music and gameshows. haha. i really like her as a friend, but i mean, im gay. so it doesnt really work. (she doesnt know btw)

so yea she likes me, i like tyler, and tyler is best friends with her. so its kinda a love triangle. idk haha.

wel thats it for me. im off to college tomorrow and i gotta pack all day. fun.

well, sure

well the movie was fantastic. its even better the third time. but no tyler. he couldnt go for some stupid reason. had to re-organize his room or somethin. idk.

So yesterday i went college shopping with my 3 friends who are all going to the same college as me. ones actually my room mate. i didnt buy anything, but i had a lot of fun. then latter last night i hooked up with a really old friend and we went to some kids house and 4 of us played beer pong. i was killing it. it was just amazing how well i was playing. And after a while, people started taking their clothes off and i saw some nice bodies. =) woke up at like 9, an hour before everyone, and just daydreamed. had a good little thought about making out with aaron when he was drunk that one night. had a good one with tyler where i show up where he works and hes behind the counter and i say "hey babe" and lean over the counter and we kiss. i like that one a lot cause its like were boyfriends hehe =)

so im not sure about my current mood and why im so happy. its nice tho. think i might see if tyler wants to go out to dinner or somethin. we'll see.


and before i go, i just wanted to send a special thanks to Planetx_123, or steve, at Lions, Tigers, and Science... oh my! he always gives really great advise and his comments are always very well written and just really good. so thanks steve!

return of tyler?

so after my depressing day on tuesday, i woke up on wednesday and i didnt feel much better. i got up at 830 and went to one of my friends house to see him off to college. he was one of my closest friends, and it was no fun saying goodbye. then, once he left, i went to another really close friends house and saw him off too. two of my best friends gone in the same day. it sucked big time. once he was gone, i met the only other friends i have left at the mall and we walked around and bought some lunch. i was there but not really there, if that makes sense. so i came home and got in bed and just stared at the celling. aaron kept popping in my head, and i didnt like that at all. i miss him a lot.
i thought a lot about shit. i even thought about shutting down my blog, and i was really considering it. it was just no good. then, after a while, i fell asleep. i woke up about an our later, and then hoped in the shower. as i was washing my hair i looked down at my chest and i saw this like strand of shampoo running down and it reminded me of blood. and it really got me thinking about life, and how its not worth it to just waste life on feeling depressed and feeling sad. and it made me feel.....much better. i also realized that theres no way i can just stop this blog. i love writing in it to much. and i love all my followers and commenters. so thats not gonna happen.
So i got out of the shower and went and got some dinner and just enjoyed it. i wasnt upset anymore. i was happy. it was kinda weird.

so at about 700 i got a text from my friend eric and he told me there was this movie party thing going on at his house and i should show up at 8. of corse i wanted to go, so i did. i got there and and we waited for everyone to arrive, and who shows up? tyler. i was kinda pleasantly surprised. so he cam over and sat down next to me on the couch. he wasnt like next next, but he was on the same couch. so we talked a while and when everyone showed up we started the movie. we watched trainspotting. it was pretty good. so after the movie we just talked a while and people slowly started leaving, and it ended up just be me, tyler and eric. we talked for a long time. i definatly feel like me and tyler and getting to know each other better. and i think, maybe, he likes me. idk. it was good to get aaron out of my head, and tyler always seems to do a good job of doing that. but he was talking about how he hadnt been sexually active in a long time, which kinda made me feel.....weird. idk. i didnt like thinking of him getting more action than me. whatevs. so he left at like 3 in the morning and i left soon after. The three of us made plans to get dinner and see a movie tonight. so im excited. were seeing inglorious basterds. itll be the third time seeing it for me. its soooooooo good.

anyway, sorry for the long post. its kinda a weird one. o well. thanks for reading.

depressed

im rarely depressed. like almost never. but right now, im feeling really down. like, all my friends are either gone or busy getting ready to go. im just stuck at home, doing nothing, and counting down the days. it sucks. so earlier i was just so sick of being at home, that i jumped in my moms car and just drove. i rolled all the windows down, picked my depressing song playlist on my ipod, and drove. i went around to all the houses of my friends who had left. it was just....blah. i stopped and got some ice cream, and went down by the river and just sat there for a good while. i thought a lot. about friends, about next year, about my parents, and even about tyler. idk. this really sucks.

heres some songs i like when im depressed.

im gonna go to bed. sleep this thing off.

quick update

so im in a hurry so i have to make this quick.

aaron left tuesday and i missed him, so i called him up. we ended up talking about tyler for a long time. it was kinda weird at first, cause i mean, talking to the boy i loved for 4 years about other guys just felt odd. but after a while it was easy. he said it was really stupid to start something with only 10 days left, and i agreed. then i talked to another friend about the whole thing and he said the same thing.

so i didnt ask him out. but, i am gonna talk to him. next time i get the chance, im gonna tell him im gay and that i would have liked to go out on a date, but time kinda fucked it up. that way, maybe next summer we can go out. idk.

ok thats it. later.

worth it?

so i just got back from up north. i had a really fun time. we did a bunch of shit. but while i was up there i did a lot of thinking about tyler. and i kept coming to the same question. is it worth it? is it worth asking him out even tho i have 11 days left in town? is 11 days enough to start a relationship?

so i begging you all. PLEASE give your most honest opinion. Im really into this boy, and i dont want to like fuck it up or whatevs. so please, let me know.

tyler

ok so heres what happened. i was gonna hang out with my two friends and tyler again to watch a movie. but when i got there, there were more people. there was like 7 of us. so it was more tylers friends than mine, and he wasnt the same. he was just being kind of a douche. and it really made me upset. but everytime i would look over at him, would just be like, who cares? idk it was weird. so we hung out for a long time and we all ended up outside sitting in a circle and like talking. at one point, tyler brought up the show queer as folk, and i was like, ive seen that. and we talked about it for a while. he said he thought charlie hunnam was cute and i kinda just nodded when i should have said yes he is. so then everyone decided to go and i said my goodbyes and tyler was looking at me like he was expecting me to say something or like he was gonna say somethin to me. but nothin happened. i went home and the minute i got there i started to regret not asking him out. fuck.

i really like him, even if he can be a douche. and really, who isnt a douche when their with friends.

im gonna ask him out. I SWEAR!!!! i might call him while im up here. but before i do it, i wanna figure out exactly what im gonna say, so would anyone like to help with that? im gonna write something and u folks can help me fine tune it. if anyone is interested, let me know.

ok im off. later