Well here I am in my bore fuck history class. Get ready for more randomness.
I met this boy yesterday. Didn't get a name but we shared some small talk. He's gorgeous. He's like the popular kid who's friends with everyone. He's so nice and calm about things. We talked at breakfast this morning. He has an earing in his left ear. He's just so....."pretty".
It's hard to explain. He might very possibly be gay. Like 80% of the boys living in my dorm are gay and guess what, he lives in my dorm.
I woke up with a throbbing boner again this morning. It was like mad at me. So I gave it what it wanted. It seems like mondays and Wednesdays are my big ass boner days.
It's really cold outside and I guess that means the school likes to crank up the fucking heat. It's like a fuck sauna in this son of a bitch. UGH!
I havnt been home in a month. That's the longest I've ever been away from home. Do I miss it? Not really. But I do miss my car. I love driving and it's been a while. I'm going home next weekend and I'm pretty excited to go driving.
I'm way to picky. I can always find a fault in people. I'm to judgemental. I need to be more open minded. But that's a hard thing to do. It's just something I do naturally. Can someone just rewire the way they think? I dint think so. The only person I've ever found to be absolutly perfect is Aaron. And I know all of u are gonna be like "no ones perfect". That may be true for you, but Aaron was perfect in every single way. And that's kinda what i'm talking about. To me, he was perfect. And I think deep down, I'm looking for someone like him. Someone perfect. That's why I'm having so much trouble finding someone. I need to come to terms with the fact that I probably will never find anyone like him. Just something I'm gonna need to work on, or I'll just end up chasing after something that isn't there.
I've been avoiding the fact for a long time, but I really miss Aaron. Everytime he pops in my head I just ignore it, but it's there. I miss him. I miss the way he smiles, the way he smells, the way he feels. I even miss the way he pisses me off. Fuck
I shouldn't have started thinking about him. Now I'm all depressed.
I'll talk to u guys later.
It's true what they say too. Only love can break your heart.
Goodbye
13 years ago
Fuck History Class? Sounds interesting...lol
ReplyDeleteIts alright to miss someone.
And I don't think anyones perfect, I just think when you find a person you're really into you ignore their flaws or their flaws don't matter to you so in turn you find them to be "perfect"
Hopefully you can find someone that will seem perfect for you again :)
You can also make friends with the less-than-perfect to see what happens, while waiting for Mr Perfect. The catch is not to get too serious with less-than-perfect so you can strike when Mr Perfect shows up. Friends with benefits....
ReplyDeletePerfect.
ReplyDelete"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It’s easy. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else."
Yeah I figured you kind of did. I know it will take time and it wont be easy but I know you will get over him
ReplyDelete@liam
ReplyDeleteAwesome quote my friend-- where is that from? Very very true--absolutely spot on
@dan
that sucks dude. the good news is that it seems like you have a lot of potential to actually achieve this. It seems like its just a mental challenge or a challenge of perception. So, it could be worse. I totally agree with your thoughts on 'expectation'. I have an expectation that is impossible for me to achieve, and so I will always be setup for failure. I will probably be alone my entire life...see now I'm depressed. Geez Dan
Hope you (and I) feel better!
Steve
Don't look for perfection. Be open to what comes your way. What might not seem perfect right off the bat might actually turn out to be, if you give it a chance.
ReplyDeleteBTW, Aaron was imperfect in one very important way: HE LIKES GIRLS!
ewwww