Monday, October 26, 2009

something big

so the weekend went well. Megan and luke came on friday. we ate good food and just chilled out. Tyler came on saturday and we did a bunch of fun shit. went to the mall, went out to eat. we went to ihop for breakfast on sunday, and he actually ate more than me. i was surprised because hes really small. it was nuts. it was a really fun weekend. he even used my pillow and blanket when he slept. it felt like me and tyler were becoming better friends. There was this one time we were at the mall and i see this extremely cute boy, and i look aver at tyler and hes staring at him too. it was just funny how we were both looking at him for the same reason, but everyone knows hes gay and everyone thinks im straight. I tried leaving him hints and flirting as much as i could, but who knows.

there was a moment when we were talking about some bible shit and he was making fun of laviticus and how it was a sin to eat shellfish or something. then, waaaaayyyy later that night, he brought it back up and was like "dan, u know what else is in laviticus? how its an abomination for a man to sleep with another man" and i was "really? thats stupid"
i thought it was a bit odd how he only told me this, no one else. curious.

i feel differently about tyler. like, i really like him and im pretty sure i have a huge crush on him. but at the same time, it feels like i dont. i was thinking a lot about it today, and i think its because i knows hes gay. like i fell head over heels in love with aaron, and i wasnt sure if he was gay or straight. not knowing was part of the allure. but with tyler i know, and its like, do i like him cause of who he is personally, or do i like him just because hes gay? thats a good question, and one i havnt been able to answer yet. i was gonna think about it last night, but i fell asleep, so maybe tonight. i know what i feel in the pit of my stomach is something big.


  1. Your feelings for him probably aren't just because he's gay... i mean there are plenty of gay guys out there who you prbly wouldnt be into to at all.. i've started to meet more gay guys and found that there are actually very few i'm interested in...
    So i'd guess that ur feelings for Tyler arise, at least in part, because of who he is.
    That being said you're prbly really excited at the prospect of actually having a relationship. So him being gay is part of your excitement.

    I'd say go for it. If he's a good guy and u think you'd be good together than best of luck, and i'm happy for you.
    the problem now is just making sure he knows that you're gay and you're interested.

    anyways, that's good news.. oh and the Leviticus thing def points to the fact that he suspects u might be gay.

  2. That quote from Leviticus was definitely meant to test the ground. Your answer was good, but it would've been interesting to see what happened if you went for something more daring, like: «Well, I wouldn't mind committing an abomination with you.» That would have started something!

    But maybe that's not what you want. Maybe you are looking for a relationship but you can't have one with him because of distance, thus you are somehow afraid of getting too close to him. I think that's why you have mixed feelings about him: it's some sort of self-defense.

    I'm not sure if what I just wrote makes any sense.

  3. Good to hear you had a good weekend man!
    The hints are often hard to pick up, cos everyone's different and he probably doesnt wanna do anything incase your straight and tell him to fuck off. lol. It looks like you may have to be a little more obvious here, if you want too that is!

  4. I think Jordan sums it all up. :) Don't try to read too much into it - if you think you've got feelings for him and this is what you want then I say, go for it.

  5. Agreed with all above. But I definitely understand the 'gay club' vibe. I know that I feel closer to other gay people, and its a very different feeling from people who I just hope are gay. And you're right, guessing about straight guys is just exciting-- in that same reality show TV way. Its kind of a 'guilty pleasure' and kind of silly, but fun none the less--and definitely has a lot of allure as you say.

    Why didn't you tell Tyler? Just didn't come up or didn't want to?


  6. haha, thats funny that S. said that cause it was what I thought of. When he asked you about knowing that was a sin I think he was trying to figure out if you were gay. I would have said something like "well I guess I'm going to hell then"

    And I would just play it out with Tyler, even if things don't work out in the end because you only like him because he's gay, you'll still get a good experience and learn things from it.

    good luck

  7. So I don't know what happened to your post today... but he couldn't mean that any other way :-) So this is a GOOD thing, right? Just go visit him and 'see what happens'...and then rush back to tell us :-) What's the worst that could happen?

    Good Luck!

  8. I didn't comment on today's post quickly enough! That was a great line about Leviticus! I must remember that one.

    Like Steve said, he's interested, you're interested, so see what happens...