Wednesday, May 5, 2010

going to lee's!

so it looks like im going to lee's tomorrow. He was gonna come here but i guess his dad found out and didnt want lee coming to visit some boy without meeting him first. I guess he isnt as cool about the whole boyfriend thing as his mom. So im going to him! ill be there most of tomorrow, and then be home on friday which is when aaron comes home. So yeah....

....about aaron. I just, i feel like with me and lee, its awesome and i love lee a lot and hes a great boyfriend and all, but i just still feel so connected to aaron. its like, ugh. its hard to explain. Like it feels like lee is much more emotionally invested in me than i am in him because of the whole aaron thing. like, i hold aaron so fucking high, its hard for anyone to like, compare to him. make sense?

I think i should talk to aaron about the whole thing. and lee. idk any thoughts?

And should i get a twitter? would people follow?


  1. I would follow on twitter

    Sorry I'm no use with your love life

    Hmm hope things go well meeting his dad and stuff, wish you good luck


  2. Be fair to Lee. You're his first BF. Maybe he doesn't care if you have feelings for Aaron, but I doubt it. If you are going to act on them, decide if you are ever going to tell Lee first. Maybe Lee doesn't have to be exclusive physically, if he thinks has your heart and emotions. It's hard.


  3. Well the thing with Aaron is its completely an issue that you have to deal with. There is no chance that Aaron will be able to offer you what you want-- he's not gay, and while he loves you as a friend, as a brother-- he and you have completely different expectations for what you want the relationship to be, right? So with Aaron, you have to figure out how to stop putting him on the pedestal of "perfection" (if thats what you think youre doing). I totally relate to it, and I dont have an answer for you. I personally wouldnt share all of this with Lee right now. I get the whole "hes more into you than you into Lee" thing-- but it will only hurt bis feelings and weaken your relationship. I would guess that a "better" outcome would be: figure out how to "fall in love" with Lee AS MUCH as you have fallen in love with Aaron. Find the things _in Lee_ that you found in Aaron that makes you crazy for him.

    Lee sounds awesome and wonderful and he likes you alot. If you think its worth going for, then try hard to be as into him. If you cant do it, then thats ok too-- and keep it casual and whatever. nothing wrong with that :-) but at some point-- maybe not now-- you have to figure out (a) how to see the "perfect" qualities in Aaron in other people or (b) figure out if your opinion of Aaron is actually a reflection of how you think about relationships. Sorry for sounding like a talk show host ;-/ But someone once told me that I crushed over straight guys hard because I knew they were "safe"-- they would never like me back so it was ok, because it was never a threat of being real. Now for you since youve already started the boyfriend with Lee-- this prob isn't the case. But its worth thinking about.

    Umm yes join twitter now-- twitter is a lot of fun, and its nice just to have a mini e-friendship throughout the day. My twitter id is planetx_123. However, Im not terribly interesing :-/ Just look through some of my followers and you'll find the fun people that I am happy to call friends :-)

    Much Love,

  4. It's hard to do this, but realize that Aaron can NEVER give you what Lee is giving you RIGHT NOW - his total affection, physical affection, and the hope for a future together. When you're with Lee, remember that you can have it all, while you never will be able to with Aaron.

  5. I've found in my limited experience that I confuse love and affection for a friend with the love and affection for a significant other.

    Is what you feel for Aaron just a deep friendship, an emotional intimacy that is shared with few people in life?

    Can you separate what you feel for Aaron for what you feel for Lee? Can't you feel how you feel for Aaron and still allow your relationship with Lee to grow (you've got YEARS of friendship with Aaron that will make comparing the two very difficult)?

    I think that healthy, emotionally intimate relationships with both Lee and Aaron are possible.

  6. talk to aaron about it for sure! but as someone has already said, he will never give you what lee can, which is what you want, and so i think that you need to somehow change the way you look at aaron...

    and yes, i would definitely follow you on twitter!

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  8. Eff that twitter bs.... I have a hard enough time keeping up with emails, txts, rss and facebook.

    Sure, tell Aaron about Lee. He should be happy for you, and possibly a bit relieved as well.