Tuesday, May 12, 2009


I got up just a few minutes ago and i feel fantastic.  I have no idea why my mood has just changed so dramatically.  I mean, im on cloud 9 right now, and i dont even know what that means!  I just heard it on the simpsons.  Im pretty sure it means im like, doing really well.  haha idk.

So im pretty sure i have stopped caring about aaron.  Like i went out to lunch with him yesterday and we just had a good time.  I wasnt sitting there analyzing everything he said or did to see if there was some deep seeded message behind what he was saying.  I just didnt care.  I mean, ive been trying for 4 years, and if he doesnt want a piece of this ass, than fuck him.  I want someone who wants me back.  That felt good to say.  =)

So thanks to everyone for the awesome comments.  They did really get me to think about all this shit.  Col, your right.  I shouldnt just throw away my best friend because he doesnt love me like i love him.  That would be stupid.  I dont want aaron out of my life, i just want him out of my dreams and fantasies.  And i think they might be on there way out.  *crosses fingers

So i need to find a bf.  haha.  im tired of my own hand.  just a random little piece of info.

ok i need to get ready for school.  I like these morning posts.  they're kick ass :P

(anyone notice that the word analyze has "anal" in it?)  hehe


  1. You need a BF? If only I was in your suburb (and country)...

    May your cloud 9 continue for as long as possible and enjoy Aaron, and yes, It would be helpful if you could change the thoughts you had for someone.

    bombadil - out.

  2. Sometimes we just feel good for no apparent reason (bad, as well). Enjoy it and don't overANALyze it.

    My work title is Programmer ANALyst IV. I like that. Heh.

  3. Lol! Glad you're feeling great this morning! My fingers are crossed for you too and good luck with finding a bf. I need to find one myself. Haha!

    Have a great day,

  4. It's awesome to see you in a good mood. :)

    I can't believe people aren't lining up to be your lover. ;)

    much love

  5. Yes... you could grow up to be an analyst/therapist and shorten that to analrapist (to steal from Arrested Development)

    Well Im glad you feel better about the situation. In my case, me and my best friend / crush went to different colleges far away, and just lost touch. Well I still talk to him every once in a while, but once a month not many times a day. It took me a while to get 'over him'. I went through many periods of liking, not liking, trying to push away, trying to pull closer. I think I still have an IM conversation saved where I just got really mad at him--trying to get him to stop wanting to be friends with me... despicable. So hopefully your attitude will stick, and everything will work out. I do feel like I lost a best friend in a bit, but to be fair my intentions were always selfish to begin with. I met him, and fell 'in love' very quickly, and our entire friendship was in that context...so we called each other best friends, but I always felt disingenuous. I still have very mixed feelings even right now as I type this and this was 6 years ago... funny how these things shape your life :-) You wont ever forget Aaron, or the way he made you feel when you were 'in love' with him, and its kind of sad that he can't reciprocate those feelings. But you'll have a life time of relationships.

    Wow long comment- I should just include this as one of my posts :-)

    Much Love,

  6. must be something in the air today :-)

  7. So happy for you. For me, these kind of moments feel like "waking up", as from a deep sleep.

    You deserve someone who wants you back.

  8. Aw

    Too bad you live way out in Michigan :P


  9. Good for you, im happy for you, well class is about to end, so c ya

  10. Haha Yay! Happiness! I like getting up in the morning and reading your morning posts.

    I don't know where to find that boy to bring to San Diego, but I do know there are plenty like him there. All you need to do is say when ;)

  11. I'm glad you feel that way about it. You may not always feel quite so accepting of how things are. But time (and being at different colleges) will help a lot. Stay in touch if you can. It's always good to have friends.

    At this point my sexual attraction to the people I was most in love with has gone away, but I still like them and if they were here I think we could be good friends. Hopefully you can enjoy having Aaron as a friend.

  12. Dan

    Always good to see you smiling

    take care and be safe