So Ive only seen aaron once in the past week, which is a very long time for us. And i think because of this, ive been thinking about him a lot. Hes always on my mind. Like ill just randomly smell him. ugh. he was even in my dream last night. we were running through some castle, laughing and stuff. and i was like "you mean everything to me" and he said "you mean everything to me too". then we got in trouble for running inside. yea, so wtf does that mean.
so yea, got a busy week ahead of me. a bunch of college shit i have to do. ugh.
everyone upset. blog world has stopped dead in its tracks. Well mirrorboy, i love u. and jake, i have nothing to say. Man this sucks.
mirrorboy didnt even see his gift :(
so i saw aaron today. we went to some little get together. we hugged and played around a bit. but he was being really annoying. so i left early. i was gonna ask him out(we go on "dates" all the time), but i never got the chance. i will tomorrow.
sorry for the long absence. Ive had a lot on my plate and i felt like i just needed a break from blog world. This might be a long post, just a heads up.
So my last day of school was thursday. We got our cap and gowns and yearbooks. We also took some stupid class picture. My mom wants me to order it so im like yeah if you pay for it. After school i went out and got some dinner with friends. It was delicious.
friday was busy. Met some friends and played football. I kicked ass and scored 6 touchdowns. 6 touchdowns=36 points. Yeah, im pretty good(ego boost). Then hung out for the rest of the day. Aaron had some surgery on his back and said he couldnt do anything for a while. I was like meh.
saturday, sunday, and monday were much of the same. Shit with friends and relaxing at home.
So i havnt seen aaron in a while. I miss him. I called him yesterday to see how he was and he seemed out of it. Maybe its for the best tho. Maybe i needed the break. whatevs.
Since ive been absent for a while, ive missed a few things. like mirrorboys birthday. Seems like pictures are what people have been giving, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIRRORBOY!!!! I really wouldnt be where I am in blog world if it were not for your friendship. I love you lots!!!
So yea to everyone who helped me out in the last post, thanks. It gave me some stuff to think about. Ill be back to posting every day or so. cya
ps. Matt, im sorry we havnt talked in a while. i know how u hate it when we dont talk for a long time. ill be on later i hope.
So ive been thinking a lot about life and my future and stuff. Im done with highschool in 2 days and it just got me thinking. Thinking about my future, my past, what i wanna do with my life. Its just all coming up so fast. Like, I still dont know what i want to do for a profession. Thats something i need to figure out soon. And my love life. Like I really want to have a son, and be the most kick ass dad in the world. I wanna be able to take him to football games and coach his little league bass ball team and teach him how to throw a football or how to always be a gentleman. I wanna teach him about the birds and the bees. I wanna teach him the ways of life. But i wouldnt want to have a boyfriend. Id want a wife. Id want a normal family to raise my son. But i dont like girls. So yeah it sucks. Its probably never gonna happen unless i like, adopt. But i dont want to adopt. I want my own kid. Which really cant happen unless all of a sudden I become straight, which isnt gonna happen. Theres just so much shit about life that sucks. I dont wanna leave Aaron. I dont wanna leave my friends. I dont want to grow up.
sorry if it sounded like i was whining. its just all this stuff has been whirling around in my head for a while and i guess today it all came crashing through. Idk.
so aaron came over tonight. not for real long, just about an hour. I was hoping to get like close to him and shit, like flirt and stuff, but we just watched tv. I was a little disappointed, but i cant complain. Just being near him makes me feel good. haha his belly was grumbling and I just wanted to go over to him and start kissing it. haha how weird of me.
Also I was at the store today, and I saw this really cute boy wearing a soccer uniform. I was interested and I followed him aroung a bit. He was all sweaty and cute. I just wanted to walk up to him in front of his parents and be like "wanna go out with me?" haha
So yea i realized I owe you guys another history of aaron. Sorry for the delay its just im not real sure what to write about. Ill figure it out.
Writing this post feels weird. idk why. It just doesnt feel like its me writing. whatevs. I got up to early.
sorry for the long absence. ive been busy. I got school projects of the butt, and i have like 5 days to finish them all. yuck. I hate school.
ok so yesterday i was driving to my friends house. So i stop at a red light and look to me left, and there is this amazingly cute guy driving. He had to be 16 or 17. Omg he was delicious. He caught me looking and i bashfully turned away. But damn, i would have loved to teach him a thing or two about making love. haha how cheesy of me.
So then, on the way back from my friends house, i was driving and i looked in my left side mirror, and this guy was driving his son, and his son was so fucking hot. His hair was just amazing. He kinda looked like Shaun White, only better. So they're in the lane to my left and they're merging into my lane, and im still staring at this kid(and the road, dont worry), when he all of a sudden blows me a kiss. I SWEAR!!!!! i was freaking out. I like gasped for air. haha. it was nuts. They turned left a bit later so i lost him but boy oh boy, it made me feel good.
So yea thats about it. I havent been sleeping well so i think im gonna take a nap. Nothing like a nap at 10 in the morning.
haha boner. Its a fun word. boner. BONER!!!!! So i woke up with a missive boner, and i need to go take care of it soon ;)
So yesterday was boring as hell. And aarons been acting weird lately. Just not himself. Idk what it is, but i hope he gets out of his little funk soon.
Im going to see the star trek movie again later today. The guy who plays captain Kirk is major hotness! o man it was tricky to watch it the first time without drooling like a dog. Id like to work on his starship. haha lame.
So yea nothing really to post. I just like posting in the morning and I wanted to continue the trend. maybe ill give ya a cute boy.....or two.....
I got up just a few minutes ago and i feel fantastic. I have no idea why my mood has just changed so dramatically. I mean, im on cloud 9 right now, and i dont even know what that means! I just heard it on the simpsons. Im pretty sure it means im like, doing really well. haha idk.
So im pretty sure i have stopped caring about aaron. Like i went out to lunch with him yesterday and we just had a good time. I wasnt sitting there analyzing everything he said or did to see if there was some deep seeded message behind what he was saying. I just didnt care. I mean, ive been trying for 4 years, and if he doesnt want a piece of this ass, than fuck him. I want someone who wants me back. That felt good to say. =)
So thanks to everyone for the awesome comments. They did really get me to think about all this shit. Col, your right. I shouldnt just throw away my best friend because he doesnt love me like i love him. That would be stupid. I dont want aaron out of my life, i just want him out of my dreams and fantasies. And i think they might be on there way out. *crosses fingers
So i need to find a bf. haha. im tired of my own hand. just a random little piece of info.
ok i need to get ready for school. I like these morning posts. they're kick ass :P
(anyone notice that the word analyze has "anal" in it?) hehe
well i had a pretty good sleep and i feel a bit better. I did go to aarons yesterday. I wasnt going to but i figured i might as well. It was kinda weird for me. It felt like i was just floating there. Like i was just not even there. Idk. Maybe thats a good thing. I did hear his stomach growl and it made me want to go over and kiss it.
I didnt like writing that. i dont want to want to kiss it. ugh
anyway, a new blogger has joined our world. his name is AJ and hes really great. I like him a lot and all you people out there should check him out.
Also, a while ago, a really good friend of mine Matt who ive known online for years started a blog. I should have said something a while ago but idk, im an idiot. Hes great, so go check him out. i love him to bits.
So prom was last night. I didnt really want to go because im not dating anyone, but my one friend Ann talked me in to going with another one of my friends, Jill. We were just going as friends, but i got the feeling that she wanted it to be more. So we went to dinner, it was ok i guess. then we got to the dance. I was enjoying myself and i saw aaron with his date, some girl Sarah, who is pretty nice and i like her. I would be upset if aaron had taken someone else, but hes known her for along time, like since they were little kids, and they were just going as friends as well. So he comes over and gives me a hug, and then went off to dance. So we all talked for a while then we went out to dance. (pokerface by lady gaga is the shit) So we were dancing and i was having a good time until i saw aaron and sarah dancing really close. Like how a couple would dance. So i stopped dancing. It felt like someone had reached down my throat and ripped my heart out, stomped on it and laughed in my face. So i went to the bathroom and threw up. I didnt cry. It took all my strength not to but i made damn sure i didnt cry. It took me a good 10 minutes to collect myself. It was really hard. So i went back out and drank a lot of punch. I think someone may have like spiked it because after each glass i started to feel better and better. So i just tried my best to enjoy the rest of the night and to ignore aaron as much as i could.
So prom was over, and we went to Anns house for an after party. I was pretty depressed and shit and people were like whats wrong and i was just like meh. So aaron calls me up and asks if he and sarah can join our after party because his fell apart. So im like ill talk to Ann thinking she would say no because we had already turned a bunch of people down. But she said yea sure. I really didnt want him there. So they eventually show up and we all sitting im sitting at a table we all end up sitting and talking for like 3 hours. I tried so hard to just forge the whole thing. And i pretty much did. I was cracking jokes and saying shit. I had people on the floor laughing. I think it was a combination of all the punch and how tired i was. But aaron was paying more attention to me than sarah, which was something i guess. So they left to go to some other party thing around 4 and the rest of us ended up staying up till like 7. Then we went to bed for 2 hours then woke up and had breakfast, and right after i went home.
Im tired of this. I really just want him out of my life. I want to be done with him. I keep thinking that him going to some far away college is gonna be the best thing to happen to me. I really need college to start. I need a fresh start. The whole night i was just looking at couples holding hands and kissing, and i was all alone. Thats all ive ever really been. All alone. And the one person who i want to spend the rest of my life with, doesnt feel the same way. Im a fucking faggot, and i despise myself for it.
So today was fun. School was boring as usual, but in gym we played basketball and the shy kid Sam was on the other team. So I was guarding him and we got pretty close. I got some nice feels in. And he grabbed my ass a few times. Very pleased. Hes so fucking cute. God i just wanna bend him over and make him moan. Ill be using that mental picture later.
Also, I wen to dinner with my mom and brother, and we were waiting for our food. So i look up and this kid is walking toward our table, and he was sooo fucking cute. omg. And after he dropped off our food, he looked in my eyes, and i eye fucked him. I totally eye fucked the shit out of him. He was smiling the whole time. Man o man. good day today. Saw Aaron too. He was pretty tired tho. Whatevs.
ok so heres the 5th installment. Just one more after this. It seems people only visit my blog for these history things, so im worried about it ending. Well, here goes....
History of Aaron #5: The Atermath
So after telling aaron, our friendship changed. Er still had cuddle time, but it just felt different. He said he didnt like lying to me. So I put a stop to it. It was worse making him feel all weird about us. So there was definitely something different. We just didnt play around as much, we stopped doing stuff just the two of us. It really sucked. And my biggest problem was that i kept trying to treat him the same way. I guess i always really viewed him as my boyfriend, but he just wasnt, and i couldnt grasp the fact. It was hard. I tried SOOOOO hard to fall out of love. I would go weeks without seeing him just to try to get him off my mind. Impossible. His smooth arms, his cute butt, his sexy legs, his deep brown eyes, his pink delicious lips, his kissable neck. He was always on my mind. Everything about him i just loved. I still do. And i think i always will. So our friendship was rocky for a while. But a hint for the next history of aaron, our friendship gets much better.
So yeah, thats it for today.
On another note, had a really good day. Right off the bat me and Aaron were fooling around. He gave me a back massage that was amazing. it felt sooooooo good. Also, another cute boy in gym class. Hes a sophomore tho. Not like that matters. Hes the athletic type. So cute. He wears these sleeveless shirts. O man.
haha so i wrote a lot. damn. ok im off to eat dinner.
So aarons about to pick me up to go grab some food. I guess you could call it a date. Yea, lets call it a date. Id like to talk to him about some stuff so i think im gonna bring up some shit. Not sure yet, i might wimp out.
So I mowed the lawn yesterday, my dad made me. It was like 80 degrees out, so i took my shirt off. The sun felt good. To bad i didnt attract any boys over. Ive been told that my milkshake has the potential to bring all the boys to the yard. Im still waiting.
so ill get another history thing up soon. Promise.
So Aarons here, so i gotta go. I really think im gonna bring up some stuff. Id like to hear what he has to say about us. We'll see.
i might post more after our "date". or i might just go to bed.
So i feel a lot better about the whole Aaron thing. Thanks for all the comments. They do indeed help. Steevo, id love to talk. And landyn, get on msn!!!! i miss u a bunch.
So I woke up the other day and was just like fuck it. Fuck aaron. Fuck this stupid shit. And i felt a lot better. When i saw him at school, I just forgot the whole thing. I might as well take advantage of the time we have together. Hes great. i grabbed his ass :-P
So in my gym class, there are these really cute guys. Like omg boner. And whats funny is that they are the exact opposite. One guy, Sam, is really quiet and shy and rarely speaks, and i just find it so cute. His hair is like messy, but perfect. Its controlled chaos. Its hard to explain.
And the other boy, Brandon. He is so hot. He looks kinda like aaron. But god he is such an ass hole. I really hate him and I just wanna punch him in the face. He tries to be so tough. And thats whats so appealing to me. Just the thought of me fucking this kid who thinks hes to tough and shit. god thats hot. he has a spectacular ass as well.
On another note, I seem to be getting more and more popular around here. People are adding me on msn everyday. its crazy. And its all thanks to mirrorboy. thanks babe.
ok thats it for now. im gonna go eat some breakfast.